we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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