When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize