i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
