Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
