i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
