I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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