life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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