Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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