new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
