Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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