please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize