sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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