i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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