I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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