i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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