She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
