I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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