i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize