the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
