well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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