Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
