ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
