I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
