I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
