Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
