i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Two words: nipple clamps
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