so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize