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My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
