someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
