Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this boner is exhausting
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
These tits shall not be calmed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
