I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
