He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
