i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
