we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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