If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
