I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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