I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
