don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
