My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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