Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
