I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
