you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
