Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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