Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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