Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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