I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I will pee on everything he values.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
