Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
