Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
