I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You made out with two different species that night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize