I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize