my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think your dad took our porno
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize