I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
