Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
