the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
