I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
