I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
