I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
