I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
