We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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