I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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