we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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