I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize