She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i was born a porn star she said
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
