The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
