I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
