Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sorry about my life...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
