I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize