He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
