Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
