i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
